This post is scarcely original. It's informed and inspired by Brené Brown's writing in The Gifts of Imperfection. I've been recovering the past 10 days from, primarily, an overuse of the Dig-Deep Button, masquerading as Big-Bug gastroenteritis.
Brown, whose work I discovered through a Houston TEDx talk on YouTube several years ago, is a sociologist who researched shame and vulnerability -- and all the things that go into those very human conditions of spirit, mind and body. Last winter I took a workshop, Hustle for Worthiness, from a couple of therapists here in San Antonio who have been trained by her, and, like those kinds of things should be, it was an eye-opening experience for me and my sister-travelers. I started reading this book a few days ago, when I was flat on my back in bed and sleeping about 18 hours a day. And, while I don't really suffer often from what I ever thought of as "perfectionism," I did recognize myself in these pages. I think it is very difficult in our culture for any of us to escape completely the "what will other people say, think, imagine....blah blah blahs."
This particular passage hit me between the eyes, from The GIfts of Imperfection:
I found myself pushing the Dig-Deep button about a month ago, soldiering through a bad cold without really stopping, then a intense week of teaching and producing a workshop with Central American Youth Ambassadors, and then buying and closing on a new little studio house in San Antonio (with about three mountains more of paperwork, records to track down, financial details than I had ever expected). Came the first of June, I was still coughing, fatigued and stressed from last-mnute details for the SDA conference, and looking at hanging the Kerr Arts and Cultural Center exhibit, getting my work to another exhibit, and leading a study tour for the conference.
I hit the button again. And ended up Saturday afternoon in the emergency room with intensely severe stomach pain, apparently a very bad viral gastroenteritis attack. So, they said, go home and recover. I was better, sort of, and Monday I went to hang the exhibit. OK so far. Wednesday I led the tour, OK so far (but lots of Dig-Deep button-pushing going on). On Thursday I was back in the emergency room, and with this bout, though not as severe as the past, had a CT scan to rule out anything life threatening. Nope, just that bad bug on the rebound.
Consequently I missed my nephew's wedding in Los Alamos AND the SDA conference and slept those 18 hours a day. I'm just now climbing out. Obviously, I'd let the blog posts go and most everything else! I think I may have learned this lesson once and for all. The Dig-Deep Button is not worth the time of day, literally.
Of course, Brenè Brown has even more wisdom to offer:
Men and women who live Wholeheartedly do indeed DIG Deep. They just do it in a different way. When they're exhausted and overwhelmed, they get
Deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation or simple setting their intentions;
Inspired to make new and different choices;
Going. They take action.
What could I have done differently? Not really sure yet, but I think a lot could have done with enlisting more help, choosing the most important things to do, not getting myself so overbooked in the first place, and letting my ego take a bit of a backseat to the realities of time, space and energy.
What are your best DIG Deep strategies?